


Alone

by elusivelover_archivist



Category: Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Movie: Star Wars: A New Hope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-20 08:43:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17019459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elusivelover_archivist/pseuds/elusivelover_archivist
Summary: By JanA young Luke mourns his recent losses and finds solace.





	Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Cara Loup, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Elusive Lover](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Elusive_Lover_\(Star_Wars_archive\)) and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Elusive Lover’s collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/ElusiveLover).

Luke stared out at the stars shining against their black backdrop. He’d been filled with wonder and excitement when he’d first come aboard the Millennium Falcon and had seen them fan out into bright lines. They seemed to promise the life of adventure he’d always dreamed about – but now the stars just looked cold and bleak.

His aunt and uncle were dead. Until now Luke had managed to shut this knowledge away from his heart. So much had happened all at once that it seemed best not to think about it, to defer the pain until later, when he had time to deal with it. But now Ben was dead too, and he was alone, flying with strangers in a ship bound for a place he didn’t know.

Alone.

His aunt and uncle had never seemed to really understand his hopes and dreams. Luke had wanted to leave and begin a new life away from them and Tatooine, but this horrible twist of fate had turned all his hopes upside down. He’d gladly give up every dream and stay a farmer for the rest of his life if that would bring his family back, alive and safe.

A choked sob escaped Luke. He gave up fighting his emotions abruptly and lowered his blond head into his arms, weeping freely. Pulled further and further into the well of pain, he lost all awareness of the time that passed. Only a knock on the door finally reminded him of his surroundings. Luke sat on his bunk in one of the Falcon’s passenger cabins, surrounded by the hum of her engines. Part of him just wanted whoever-it-was to go away again, and another part craved the company. He wiped his face and rose.

“Come in.”

Han Solo strolled in, smiling. “Hey, kid, do you—” He broke off, brown eyes studying Luke intently. “You okay? Still thinking about Ben?”

“And my aunt and uncle. They were killed on Tatooine.” Luke had tried to calm himself, but his voice sounded shaky even to his own ears. Han was still an unknown entity, but in private Luke had started to admire him. The last thing he wanted was to fall apart in front of this man.

“I didn’t know.” Han had lowered his voice, and his usually tough expression faded into a gentler one. Luke had expected a quip or a rough clap on the shoulder, but the Corellian’s voice filled with concern when he added, “I’m sorry, Luke.”

His tone belied the image of the tough mercenary Han usually projected. He took a step closer, and when Luke returned his gaze, a question in his eyes, Han lifted both hands with an awkward grin and placed them on Luke’s shoulders. The younger man leaned forward, sliding both arms around Han’s waist.

As the pilot pulled him closer and ran a hand through his hair, Luke’s forced composure faltered. Suddenly he clung to the taller man. Tears welled up once more, but he struggled to hold them back until Han murmured, “Go ahead, kid. No one has more right to cry.”

The sorrow flowed from him then, until Luke wondered just how he’d ever manage to regain control. Misery engulfed him, and it seemed unthinkable that he should ever be happy again. When the tears finally ran out, Luke felt drained and exhausted. He pulled back slightly and looked up at the other man.

“Thanks... you know, for being here,” he said with feeling.

“No problem.” Han rubbed his shoulders reassuringly.

Luke wiped at the dampness around his eyes and realized how sore they were. It suddenly struck him that he must look a terrible sight to Han... and then he wondered why that should matter so much.

Noticing his sudden self-consciousness, the pilot said, “Why don’t you go and wash your face? It’ll make your eyes feel better.”

Luke nodded and turned to the door, then hesitated for a glance back at Han, wanting to ask him not to leave but not sure how.

Once again, the man seemed to read his mind. “I’ll stay right here if you still want some company.”

Luke managed a relieved smile. “Yes. Thanks.”

When he returned to the cabin a few minutes later, Han was sitting on his bunk and gazing out at the stars, apparently lost in thought. He didn’t seem to notice Luke at the door, and the younger man found himself absorbing the sight of his companion in every detail.

The long, powerful limbs were relaxed, one leg stretched forward on the floor, the other crossed over Han’s knee, one hand in his lap, while the other rested on the bed, fingers playing absently across the thickly knitted cover. His face, in profile, was beautiful, framed by soft strands of dark hair.

Luke realized with a start that he felt attracted to the other man. He’d never felt that way before, and it shocked him. Surely it was wrong to indulge sentiments like this while he was grieving.

At that moment, Han turned and, noticing him, offered a smile.

He became a friend within the space of a single, quiet second, someone who made Luke feel less lonely. Nothing else mattered, he decided.

He moved to sit beside the man on the bunk, and when Han put an arm around him, Luke let his head fall against a broad shoulder and relaxed cautiously.

When Han asked him about his aunt and uncle, he slowly began to talk, recalling life on Tatooine, the hardships and the small delights of living on a moisture farm which he’d shared with his aunt and uncle. At first it made him feel worse, and he missed them with almost overwhelming intensity, but after a while the words came more easily, and Luke found himself pouring out all his feelings.

How much he’d wanted to leave and how guilty he felt about it now; how he’d loved them but never felt as close to them as he thought he should; how he’d always argued with Uncle Owen while Aunt Beru would smooth things over between them.

The memories filled his mind, but – unexpectedly – Luke felt increasingly comforted by them. Only when he found himself yawning deeply did he realize that it must be late. He felt exhausted but didn’t want it to show because then Han would leave. However, the yawns he couldn’t stifle quickly spoke for themselves.

Han straightened. “I’d better go so you can get some sleep.”

“Don’t!” Luke held on to him impulsively, to keep Han from moving away – until it struck him that he was behaving like a child. He blushed and let go. “Sorry.”

Han gave him a reassuring grin. “I can sleep here if you prefer. I don’t mind.”

Luke looked up hopefully. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah. No problem. I’ve spent a lot of time alone recently – except for Chewie. It’s kind of nice being around another human being again.”

They stripped to their underwear in silence. There was no room for shyness on the narrow bunk, so they eased down into each other’s arms and, despite feeling rather awkward about it at first, Luke fell asleep within seconds.

When he awoke feeling comfortable and warm, he quickly realized the sensation was caused by the large hands resting against his back and the firm chest beneath his head. He’d never before shared a bed with another person.

It felt good.

[][][]

When Luke heard that Han was leaving the Rebels, the news struck him like a physical blow. The Death Star was approaching the Rebel base on Yavin Four, and there wasn’t much time for dealing with personal affairs, but Luke ran to Han’s quarters nonetheless – only to find them empty. Disappointed, he headed for the hangar and his own X-wing, but the first thing he saw was the Millennium Falcon – and Han loading his ship with the crates he’d received in payment for his help.

Luke had refused to believe it was true until now that the evidence was right in front of him. And he hadn’t realized before how much he’d come to depend on the other man’s company. Although he’d formed a bond with Leia which he didn’t entirely understand, he’d pinned all his hopes on Han.

When Luke walked up, Han halted his work to face him.

Luke could barely speak, he was so filled with emotion. He wanted to demand that Han should stay, to blurt out that he wouldn’t let him leave. And he longed to tell the man how much he meant to him. But words and sentiments choked him, and instead he simply heard himself say, “So you got your reward and you’re just leaving then?”

“That’s right, yeah,” Han answered rather defensively. “I’ve got some old debts to pay off with this stuff.” He nodded at the crates. “Even if I didn’t – you don’t think I’d be fool enough to stick around here, do you?” He paused and added, “Why don’t you come with us? You’re pretty good in a fight. I could use you.”

Luke was torn between anger and misery. There was no way he could desert the people here, Han had to realize that... or was that why he’d made the offer? Because he knew Luke would have to refuse?

“Come on!” he said irritably. “Why don’t you take a look around? You know what’s about to happen, what they’re up against! They could use a good pilot like you. You’re turning your back on them!”

 _On me_ , he silently added.

“What good’s a reward if you ain’t around to use it?” Han’s mercenary guise was back with a vengeance. “Besides, attacking that battle station ain’t my idea of courage. It’s more like suicide.”

“All right.” There was obviously no way he could convince the man, and that insight cut Luke like a knife. After all they’d been through together, how could Han leave like this? Giving in to a surge of bitterness, he added, “Well, take care of yourself, Han. I guess that’s what you’re best at, isn’t it?”

It wasn’t a real question, and Luke turned away brusquely.

“Hey, Luke!” Han called out, and Luke broke his stride, filled with a mixture of hope and dread.

Would Han respond to the bitterness in kind, or was it possible that he’d changed his mind and wouldn’t leave after all? He met troubled brown eyes, and the other man attempted an unconvincing smile.

“May the Force be with you,” Han said in a low, strangely gentle voice.

Every hope for a change of heart died, and Luke walked away, unable to say goodbye to this man who’d decided to leave although he meant the world to him.

His head bowed, Luke walked quietly to his own ship, a terrible fear building inside him. What if he’d lost all his determination to succeed in the mission? He knew how much it mattered – yet at the same time, nothing seemed to matter anymore.

Luke pulled himself together forcibly. Leia’s words of encouragement and solace cheered him a little, and when he found himself face to face with Biggs, his boyhood friend from Tatooine, he could even laugh and take comfort from their reunion. But under the surface of resolve, there remained a sinking feeling that accompanied him out into space.

The numbness grew on him again as Luke piloted his ship towards the Death Star – the same cold disbelief he’d felt when his aunt and uncle were killed.

Alone.

Empty.

He had to fight, but there didn’t seem anything left to fight for. Nothing that really mattered.

Finally, emotion broke through: anger at himself for reacting like this, for placing personal disappointment above every other concern. Luke built on it and twisted it into determination. They _would_ win.

 

Surrounded by a squadron of Rebel fighters, he felt confident, but the feeling waned rapidly. The Death Star seemed even more immense now than it had at first sight. One after another, his fellow pilots were shot down. Luke was too busy targeting the enemy ships which came at him from all directions to consider the losses, or to be afraid for himself, but all the while, the cold certainty that he wouldn’t return from this battle grew in the pit of his stomach.

In the final moments of his own attack run along the narrow Death Star trench, everything changed abruptly. While Luke was obsessed with achieving victory, he could practically taste his own death at the same time. Three Imperial fighters were following hard on his heels, and behind him, Biggs’ X-wing turned into a ball of fire. But then a beautifully familiar voice sounded in his headset: Han!

Filled with new purpose, Luke completed his run. The Force guided him, suffused his body with vibrant energy, and his shots found their target.

As he turned his fighter around and they headed back to the Rebel base, the small ship was buffetted by fragments of the shattered battle station. Luke glanced back and saw the whole area of space fill with an orange fire so bright he seemed to be looking into a supernova. It was then that their victory registered. Misery had turned into the purest joy.

[][][]

The next few days were a hazy sequence of celebrations. Afterwards, all that Luke could clearly remember was the explosion of love he felt each time he looked at Han.

The night after they had received their decorations for the victory, Han came to his room, carrying a bottle of Tatooine rum and an uncertain expression. He almost seemed nervous, but Luke couldn’t believe that – this was Han Solo! Nothing ever fazed him, he probably wasn’t even capable of the feeling. Yet when Han spoke, there was the same note of insecurity in his voice.

“I thought I’d share this with someone,” he said, pausing on the doorstep. “You mind some company?”

“ _Mind_?” Luke’s face lit up with a brilliant smile.

Han grinned, visibly relaxing, and entered the room while the younger man added, “Have I told you how glad I am that you came back?”

“Only a couple hundred times.” Han teased him affectionately.

Although still smiling, Luke blushed and looked down. Then, thinking of all they’d fought for, he became more serious. “It’s a worthy cause.”

“Yeah, but that’s not why I’m staying with the Rebels.” Han’s eyes looked deeply into his own, and Luke stilled, immediately spellbound. The taller man leaned closer until their lips touched in a tender kiss.

Luke felt as if he’d left reality and entered some enchanted dreamworld as, in the golden light of his room, they embraced and touched cautiously – until finally, slowly, they began to undress each other.

Luke hadn’t dared to take a closer look at his companion when they’d previously shared quarters, afraid that too much of his secret emotions and desires would show. Now he could let his eyes roam freely and reveled in it. His heart skipped a beat when he read the same feelings in the brown eyes of his friend.

Han opened his arms wide and touched him with incredible tenderness, while Luke kissed the smooth, tanned chest and sent inquisitive hands over the larger body, familiarizing himself with every inch.

Han groaned and bodily lifted the slighter man into his arms. Luke held onto him with his arms and legs to get as close as possible. The kiss was deeper than the last and filled with so much passion that his head spun and his body went weak.

Han carried him across the room and eased him down on to the bed, covering his body with sweet, intense kisses.

It was all new and totally incredible to Luke. He’d never dreamed of experiencing the sensations that coursed through his body, overwhelmingly powerful and breathtaking. Older friends on Tatooine had told him that making love was magical, and he’d often tried to imagine what it would be like, but the reality of it by far exceeded those fantasies.

He pulled at Han to bring the man back into his arms, and his companion complied willingly, his warm weight pressing Luke into the soft mattress beneath them. They kissed again and again, and Luke lost himself in sensations and feelings so strong and exhilarating that it felt like a kind of dizzying rebirth.

He still tingled when it was over, curled up in Han’s arms. Luke lifted himself on one elbow to look down into the older man’s face. The deep warmth in Han’s eyes made his heart flip. Never in all his life had he felt so contented as he did at this moment. He loved this man and Han’s actions had made it unquestionably clear that Han felt the same way about him. From now on, Luke need never feel alone again, and there didn’t seem to be anything they couldn’t achieve together.

In the days and weeks ahead he would live through the reality of what had happened, accept the consequences of victory. He would feel guilt and remorse for all who’d died in battle, including his enemies. He would learn how to live with the hero’s role he’d created for himself, with so many people looking to him for solutions to the pressing problems and inspiration for the future.

But for now, Luke basked in the afterglow of dreams that had come true.

The Empire’s tyranny had been dealt a severe blow, and Han loved him. Luke knew he’d forever remember these days that had brought an end to a young lifetime of loneliness.

And this was only the beginning...

[][][]


End file.
